#12 – Christmas Dream

Dream from December 25, 2013

The night begins with my dad driving me around in his blue mini-van to either pick up some transcripts for college or get resumes for a job (I’m not sure which but my inner thoughts seem to centered around both). We stop at Jonesville High School, a small brown building in front of a small parking lot. It feels like early winter with a bit of light snow on the ground.
I’m in the passenger seat, waiting for dad to come out of the school, and then suddenly I’m in the back seat on the left side near the window. My sister Liz is driving the van, only she is on the right side as if in England and isn’t actually using the steering wheel since it’s still on the left side. She proceeds to “drive” through a dense forest in the pitch black of night.

I frantically ask Liz, “Why did you leave dad behind?”. She doesn’t answer but continues on her wild rampage, cutting through trees and causing an uproar with the wildlife. I tell her that we should turn back and have a apprehensive feeling about venturing into this forest in the dead of night. What if we break down or get stuck? What if we get eaten by a pack of hungry wolves? Wolves are indeed involved. As we are barreling through the terrain, a couple of Siberian huskies graze the side of the van, which from the outside looks more like the Winnebago from Breaking Bad. The view alternates between the outside view of the side of the vehicle near the rear wheel base and my point of view from inside. A couple more wolves hit the vehicle and I am getting worried that they will eventually break the windows and get inside. Their faces are illuminated by the van’s headlights and if you were expecting them to look fierce and deadly that would not be the case. These huskies actually looked harmless with no intent of making us their next meal. Maybe that’s because they didn’t realize what was happening or maybe this is just a thing about the dream where two things from two different memories, the van and the wolves, clash with each other and are not connected at all.

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1. I see myself riding along with my dad because he has now become a more prominent part of my life and has been trying to instill some confidence in me while advising me on ways to find a job. Some long frozen over ice has been broken here in the last few months; I feel like I can relate to him on a more personal level than before because I get to see my dad more often now.

2. I don’t know why we stop at Jonesville High School, or whatever school it actually is, but I’m thinking that because I knew two girls that went there and they were a major focal point of my memory (still quite are, I hope I’m not a stalker), that school name has become so synonymous with them that it would become an often randomly accessed memory.

3. Liz pops up in this brief adventure because I think there is a small part of my mind that longs for her to be here with the fact that she is living close to 600 miles away and I have only seen her once in the last few months. Everyone else in my family misses her as well.

4. I see Liz apparently as a crazy driver with no bearings because that is how I have always known her while we were growing up. Liz was always different and did lots of weird and wacky things, such as stealing a “WET PAINT” sign and hanging it up in her room, that made us laugh, made us scratch our heads, and sometimes made us worry about her.

5. There is no dialogue from Liz in this dream and that might relate to the fact that we never had much conversing between each other. She seems to be in a distant world when I try to ask her questions like I or she is not actually there. I see her with her familiar stretchy pink shirt on and she has that yummy ice cream hairstyle of a mix of orange, pink, and white just stopping above her shoulders.

6. Perhaps there is someone driving the van but the dream is not focused on that particular detail. A ghost driver or dark escort. It might not actually be a forest we were crashing through but just the familiar long strip of Erie Road in Parma I have traveled on so many times.

7. The wolves, or just friendly dogs, relate to the fact that there is a Siberian husky always sitting on the red porch of a person’s house where I live. Most of the time when I walk by I see that dog and it captures my attention, it seeing me and just staring back with the innocent eyes of it’s friendly face. That’s why I see multiple images of the same dog in my vision. It’s merely a memory.

8. The side view of the van turned Winnebago is a familiar scene from the pilot of Breaking Bad when Walter is driving the RV like a madman through the desert, fearing that the police are after him as he has just started cooking meth with burnout Jessie Pinkman.

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#11 – December Ride

The following series of dreams happened during the last part of 2013, around November and December…

In a store like school that looks like my local Meijer or Walmart, I’m frantically running through a deli section. I try to skip lunch and see a few teachers that do not notice me…

In a huge dining hall with big, tall windows, I see a table with Kim Kardashian and someone she is dating – Kanye West perhaps – seated there. My unpredictable dream self sits down at that table but quickly moves somewhere else because he feels uneasy about sitting with celebrities. So dreamscaper Matt sits down at another table with some stupid, irrelevant person who is probably someone he knows but can’t figure out. Red carpet covers the whole of this room, lots of natural sunlight shining through the magnificent, black framed windows as tall as a cathedral. In only a couple of seconds this is gone.

Next, I find myself at Western High School, walking down the senior hallway and around the corner leading to the cafeteria. The corners of my vision see the lockers by the cafeteria, before it was remodeled into the state-of-the-art state it is now (everything always gets better after I leave). As I am walking around the corner, I have thoughts of West Middle School in Ypsilanti on my mind, reliving the bad days, memories of when I was a 12/13 year old, kids laughing, poking fun at my looks and apparent disabilities. I’m all alone, walking a lonely path, which is a comfort to me since I can bask in my thoughts. The dream fizzles out.

A few days later comes a story about a boy named Matt or Dave. He is sitting in an assembly chair on stage in the front row of the auditorium at Western High. But then the dream quickly shifts to my old room at Erie Road in Parma (another reference to an early childhood home that seems to be very special to me). A piece of a rubber tire from a white van sitting in the adjacent driveway gets stuck in the bedroom window frame, somehow still connected to the vehicle in an impossible way. Mischievous Matt pulls on the rubber tread, stretching it, and causes the wheel to fall off the van outside on the driveway. “It’s junk anyways”, Matt says, seeing the van now lying crooked on three wheels. The owners come by and look at their wrecked vehicle. Matt’s friends come into his room and look through the window. Matt closes the blinds just a peek. “Shhh”, he says with a finger to his lips, wanting to be as quiet and unassuming as possible about this.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am walking down the high school hallway again, being the popular kid, with everyone gasping and eyeing me like I’m a famous celebrity, especially girls. This is the polar opposite of how I was feeling a while back – depressed and lonely. Kind of like the end of Titanic, where everyone is clapping uproariously at Jack and Rose as they kiss at the top of the staircase and the camera pans up to the iconic glass ceiling before fading out – moments before they had been involved in an epic tragedy and now are experiencing an uplifting, but cliché, ending. Through thick and thin we’ve fought and now the light at the end of the tunnel has finally been reached. That’s how my dream translates to real life.

My December ride crashes in on an evil empire springing up on a desert like planet, much like Tatooine in Star Wars. A little guy flies by to his own planet and sees the big bad empire nearby. “Some evil empire I have”, he says, as the bigger one dwarfs his. The little guy is one of the minions from Despicable Me.

Another shift to the real world has me in an aisle at the store looking for Spongebob Squarepants stuffed toys. There are many varieties and assortments, such as ones with big vampire teeth. I buy one that is a little bigger than the one I already have – 38 x 23 inches, which is pretty big but that’s what my head said. Uncle Jack says, “Now you buy one of these and someday it’ll be worth some money someday. When the show is over people are going to want that stuff”. Really.

I’m on iTunes, so tired that I am changing names of songs to unrecognizable, ridiculous titles. Some are incomplete or messed up already, so I make them whatever I want. James Blunt’s “Beautiful” becomes “Say Anything”, which is actually the name of a band that I have a song from on there, “Baby, I’m A Blur”, which was featured in Breaking Bad.

Now I’m singing a song, one that I wrote called “Still A Chance For Me”, until people show up. I get discouraged and sing quieter and then stop completely.

A brief moment in an arcade room. Zeke, a tall, lanky, idiotic kid from my past with a beak nose, is there playing a shooting game. He looks in my direction.

I see a bus full of screaming kids, going on about voting or something. Then there are some kids on a island, with the viewpoint coming in from the water near the shore (this might come from me standing in the shallow end of Portage Lake, taking video/pictures of the shoreline).

I have long golden hair and am admiring myself in the rear view mirror of my mom’s white Ford Taurus, sitting in the back seat.

Ben Linus from Lost is running in a race.

And to finally top it off, I see my deceased aunt Janet smiling – that same evil, scheming smile that told me and everyone else she could never be trusted.