#25 – Screens

Dream from January 31, 2014

Sequence #1

Through the focal point of my dream, I am on an arcade racing game but am standing up instead of sitting, and maybe using motion sense to control the game (a Kinect system?). The course is (formerly named) Infineon Raceway. The sequence seems to flash forward to the end of the race, and after it is over I hear “Infineon” at the end of the song playing. An overhead view of the course is shown.

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Sequence #2

Walking out my room with just a shirt on, I see my sister Emily and her friend Taylor sitting on the floor in the living room near the center divider working on some homework or whatever. I go through the kitchen to the washer and then back to my room and put on some pants. The couch and everything else in the living room except for the TV is gone. Something is playing on TV; I ask the girls where a certain character has gone to. I’m not sure what the show was…

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…but I put in a picture of True Detective for kicks.

I was just about to attempt lucid dreaming but had to get up early today to go to plasma with my folks. My plan was to wake up at 8:00 am on Monday and Wednesday and wake up at 10:00 am on all other days. I read that this is to get your body in a rhythm of waking up at certain points when you are in deep REM so you can be aware of your dreams and take control. It won’t be that easy but if I can get this little trick down, it will be interesting to see what happens. I feel like I am opening hell’s gate by attempting such a thing – lucid dreaming. It sure seems crazy and my dreams have been crazy enough.

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#24 – Prestige

Dream from January 29, 2014

I see a girl’s credentials on a sign, all listed top to bottom. She went to Culinary school and has experience in the field as well as a Bachelor’s degree from some prestigious college. There is a pang of jealously that runs through my head as I stare at the sign as she has accomplished way more than I have even attempted in culinary.

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This was just a short snippet of a dream since I wasn’t sleeping very well that night and couldn’t get into deep REM where the best, most vivid dreams play out.  Lucid dreaming is still a difficult thing for me to accomplish. I tried setting up a system of waking up at certain parts of the day, trying to get my self into a habit of being aware of my dream, but that totally failed. I find I have dreams during the day as well, like today when I dozed off in the car and had a short lapse involving Hitler before waking up suddenly.

#19 – Light and Dark

Dream from January 10, 2014

This next set of dreams featured both happy and gloomy memories from my past – and also one of my first instances of lucid dreaming…

A more darker moment sees myself sitting in a car on the Baker Street driveway late at night in Spring Arbor. It is an old Buick that my mom briefly had from John, a person whom she was seeing for a while but is now more of a friend (he’s married to someone now). It was a hunk of junk and broke down not long after it was used. I am sleeping face down in the passenger seat, as if I am crazily drunk. “Dad”, who looks like Ted Beneke from Breaking Bad, comes out of the Baker St. house.

Then I am inside the house, going into my room down the hallway on the right. Around the “L” shaped corner of the room on the left, I see my bed made with a sign on the end board that reads, “God gave us Christ’s child”. Wow. What a message to see in my dreams. That’s surely a sign (no pun intended). That never existed there in real life so something truly remarkable is going on here.

Shortly after this revelation, I grab a pen and start to write down the dreams I am having, but this turns out to be a dream (it comes from me trying to recall my dreams while I am still sleeping and how I am going to write down them down on paper once I awake – which is lucid dreaming because I am fully aware and in control of what is going on).

More from my high school…

I am attending a play or dance recital, sitting in the front row of the auditorium near the railing on the right. My dad comes by (not Ted Beneke) to pick me and my sisters or something special up, I’m not quite sure. Someone is expertly showing off their Beethoven skills on stage.

The curtain closes and the black dressed ballerinas exit stage left.

Curtain opens again and white dressed ballerinas have taken the stage. Interesting. It’s like evil turning to good.

#11 – December Ride

The following series of dreams happened during the last part of 2013, around November and December…

In a store like school that looks like my local Meijer or Walmart, I’m frantically running through a deli section. I try to skip lunch and see a few teachers that do not notice me…

In a huge dining hall with big, tall windows, I see a table with Kim Kardashian and someone she is dating – Kanye West perhaps – seated there. My unpredictable dream self sits down at that table but quickly moves somewhere else because he feels uneasy about sitting with celebrities. So dreamscaper Matt sits down at another table with some stupid, irrelevant person who is probably someone he knows but can’t figure out. Red carpet covers the whole of this room, lots of natural sunlight shining through the magnificent, black framed windows as tall as a cathedral. In only a couple of seconds this is gone.

Next, I find myself at Western High School, walking down the senior hallway and around the corner leading to the cafeteria. The corners of my vision see the lockers by the cafeteria, before it was remodeled into the state-of-the-art state it is now (everything always gets better after I leave). As I am walking around the corner, I have thoughts of West Middle School in Ypsilanti on my mind, reliving the bad days, memories of when I was a 12/13 year old, kids laughing, poking fun at my looks and apparent disabilities. I’m all alone, walking a lonely path, which is a comfort to me since I can bask in my thoughts. The dream fizzles out.

A few days later comes a story about a boy named Matt or Dave. He is sitting in an assembly chair on stage in the front row of the auditorium at Western High. But then the dream quickly shifts to my old room at Erie Road in Parma (another reference to an early childhood home that seems to be very special to me). A piece of a rubber tire from a white van sitting in the adjacent driveway gets stuck in the bedroom window frame, somehow still connected to the vehicle in an impossible way. Mischievous Matt pulls on the rubber tread, stretching it, and causes the wheel to fall off the van outside on the driveway. “It’s junk anyways”, Matt says, seeing the van now lying crooked on three wheels. The owners come by and look at their wrecked vehicle. Matt’s friends come into his room and look through the window. Matt closes the blinds just a peek. “Shhh”, he says with a finger to his lips, wanting to be as quiet and unassuming as possible about this.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am walking down the high school hallway again, being the popular kid, with everyone gasping and eyeing me like I’m a famous celebrity, especially girls. This is the polar opposite of how I was feeling a while back – depressed and lonely. Kind of like the end of Titanic, where everyone is clapping uproariously at Jack and Rose as they kiss at the top of the staircase and the camera pans up to the iconic glass ceiling before fading out – moments before they had been involved in an epic tragedy and now are experiencing an uplifting, but cliché, ending. Through thick and thin we’ve fought and now the light at the end of the tunnel has finally been reached. That’s how my dream translates to real life.

My December ride crashes in on an evil empire springing up on a desert like planet, much like Tatooine in Star Wars. A little guy flies by to his own planet and sees the big bad empire nearby. “Some evil empire I have”, he says, as the bigger one dwarfs his. The little guy is one of the minions from Despicable Me.

Another shift to the real world has me in an aisle at the store looking for Spongebob Squarepants stuffed toys. There are many varieties and assortments, such as ones with big vampire teeth. I buy one that is a little bigger than the one I already have – 38 x 23 inches, which is pretty big but that’s what my head said. Uncle Jack says, “Now you buy one of these and someday it’ll be worth some money someday. When the show is over people are going to want that stuff”. Really.

I’m on iTunes, so tired that I am changing names of songs to unrecognizable, ridiculous titles. Some are incomplete or messed up already, so I make them whatever I want. James Blunt’s “Beautiful” becomes “Say Anything”, which is actually the name of a band that I have a song from on there, “Baby, I’m A Blur”, which was featured in Breaking Bad.

Now I’m singing a song, one that I wrote called “Still A Chance For Me”, until people show up. I get discouraged and sing quieter and then stop completely.

A brief moment in an arcade room. Zeke, a tall, lanky, idiotic kid from my past with a beak nose, is there playing a shooting game. He looks in my direction.

I see a bus full of screaming kids, going on about voting or something. Then there are some kids on a island, with the viewpoint coming in from the water near the shore (this might come from me standing in the shallow end of Portage Lake, taking video/pictures of the shoreline).

I have long golden hair and am admiring myself in the rear view mirror of my mom’s white Ford Taurus, sitting in the back seat.

Ben Linus from Lost is running in a race.

And to finally top it off, I see my deceased aunt Janet smiling – that same evil, scheming smile that told me and everyone else she could never be trusted.

Lucid Dreaming: An Experimentation

It amazes me of the sheer number of articles and blogs out there related to the study of dreams and recording them. I am happy to say I am not the only one who has become interested in this fascinating exploration activity. Until recently, I thought this was a thing that not many people paid attention to, besides doing research. It turns out that after I started to keep track of my multiple, growing night visions, a new world opened up for me, one that was full of surprises and new discoveries. The idea of lucid dreaming, being aware that you are dreaming and being able to manipulate and alter the course of the dream, is something that I recently struck upon in an article on dreamviews.com

Some of the misconceptions that people have about lucid dreaming are presented. It is not a new thing; it goes back at least a thousand years, the ancient Egyptians even experiencing it, thinking it was a special message from above. You don’t need to rely on God and the Holy Spirit to be lucid as well. Lucid dreaming isn’t really taking you into a new world, it all occurs while you are sleeping and video games are more ‘out of this world’ than your own nightly escapades. I believe I have had a few lucid dreams where I wanted to control the outcome or perhaps extend the dream so I could see what happens next instead of it having a loose end. There was a time when I very interested in the scene going on and the only way for it to continue was for me to take control and add my own spin to the events. There are limitations to this of course. I can only alter what is available and I cannot add anything new to the environment. I can only ‘move’ the character that is essentially me (from my point of view). Now if I was very experienced with lucidity I would be able to control almost anything in the dream but basically the surrounding environment ‘springs up’ randomly wherever I go in the dream. It is nice to see the dream play out on its own, without any interference, but when I really get caught up in it, the events feel like a wild rollercoaster ride that doesn’t seem to want to stop. Sometimes I can actually feel my head and heart pounding from the exhilarating sensations happening in my subconscious. One dream, or perhaps nightmare, that I will explain in a later post, involved me running through a bunch of houses and then seeing my dad sinking into a swamp with rats crawling over him, with me walking ahead in the distance thinking he was just a burden anyway. There also were a few dreams about cancer, one where my uncle told my sister that her friend will “get cancer on your birthday” with no hesitation at all, like it was a solid fact. Another one involved me witnessing a bloody execution and then running out afraid that I was next on the chopping block. I’m not quite sure how all of these dreams come about but it seems to come from how I am thinking at the time, my emotions, and what has happened recently in my life.

If you have been following my dream blog, the dreams I recorded so far are from as far back as November 2013. I am basically going in order of dreams recorded, from the oldest to the most recent entry, fixing up things and making it look polished and complete. I hope to continue to get better at analyzing and making sense of the images and sounds I encounter. Putting all of these wonderful experiences I envision while in the dreamscape into a sort of picture storybook would be the ultimate. It does get a little boring and discouraging when I am not having any new dreams to record but I guess if I start getting quality sleep again I will get back on the amazing run of dreams that I was having in the past. And that had never happened at any time during my teenage years or early childhood. This is a phenomenon that maybe signifies that my brain has evolved or matured to be able to draw upon its own memories to create an interesting world where there are no rules or laws of physics. It is my own personal dreamland and I am free to invite anyone or anything into it, not always on my own accord.

 

#4 – A Cancerous Dream

Dream from December 2, 2013

Tonight the amazing dream express transports me through the clouds to a place I am very familiar with – my elementary school at Parma. The school of the blue floors and purple doors as I fondly remember it. Its long hallways and kiddie size rooms still vividly painted onto the back of my retinas…

The mysterious master of disguise that is my subconscious has chosen a particular room to relay events and entertain an unseen audience. Like having a blindfold over my eyes, I suddenly find myself in the kindergarten room, previously taught by a then young Mrs. Comden, and yes that name stirs up many jokes, ones that I didn’t understand when I was little. I am at least five here and am sitting at the table against the back of the big cork board, frequently featuring puzzles in the works, little books full of interesting pictures, and those big, colorful foam letters that motivated me to learn the alphabet. Out of nowhere, a woman hands me a translucent Tupperware container and, to my absolute horror, says it’s cancer. Huh? A dreadful pulse rushes down my back. She peels the lid off the box, revealing what’s inside. Something slimy and a pale milky yellow is slowly moving around. A big greasy blob with bits of hair in it. It gives off a foul odor, like the stench of sick patients in a nursing home. I immediately start to feel nauseous and quite disgusted, barely able to look at the cancerous substance that is right under my nose. I start scraping off the top of the lid with a piece of paper, but what I should have done is push the box away, chuck it across the room, or asked “What the f**k is this, lady?”

After that revolting scene, I suddenly find myself in a huge industrial warehouse with many small rectangular windows, the kind a fast car could easily fly through at any moment to the sweet sound of glass shattering everywhere. The sun is shining brightly through those windows. There are wood boards stacked on platforms around the facility. I am wearing a fake black beard and looking into an unseen camera, trying to act, but not really into it. My sister is also there along with others that I can not identify. I’m not sure what warehouse I am in but I think it’s reminiscent of a scene from Breaking BadTop Gun, or Cast Away at the very beginning.

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#3 – Sky Blue

Dream from November 27, 2013

A cool sunny day in the quiet, peaceful town of Spring Arbor. Where college students dream, new babies scream, and the elderly sit on their front porches, reminiscing about the golden years. Nothing too dramatic happens around here. Mostly homespun events like the Memorial Day parade and the Hanging of the Greens at Christmas. Crime is always trying to sneak it’s way in but the proud law enforcement acts quickly to snuff it out. Within this town are a handful of good souls tending to work or whatever drives their heart’s content…

Into the dreamscape I am dropped. No directions. No explanation. It’s just me living in a virtual world made up entirely of my thoughts. My mind is the stage and I am the performer who needs no script.

There I am riding my red bike down Baker Street towards my house that is nestled nicely at the end. A long, worn out path of cement and potholes with tree limbs full of green stretching out over the entrance. A couple of modest looking houses line either side of the street and there generally is not much activity from the inhabitants here. A nice gentle breeze gathers around me as I ride past my neighbor’s house shaded comfortably by a large oak and see my empty black driveway. My house is big with two floors and a basement. The exterior is made up of grey side paneling. A hastily built in porch with recycled floorboards and a makeshift set of wood steps with the white paint washing away overlooks our shabby grass square with a tall tree in one corner and a small pile of rocks in the other. I stop suddenly when I see dad’s blue minivan parked in the street on the side of the yard. Sky Keyser is in the passenger seat, dad in the driver seat. Sky is smiling at me. A nice warm, affectionate smile. How great it is to see her face, so full of life and beauty with that small nose piercing on the side that I adore. I am surprised to see her here and wonder if she has answered my call and really does want to be with me. Maybe we can finally escape and live happy together. But it all ends too soon as I am pulled out of the realm of this world and faced with the fact that it was all a dream and I will never get to fulfill my love for Sky, the only girl I ever had a special karaoke song for.

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1. Obviously Spring Arbor was a town I grew up in for about 5 years. I used to ride my bike all around the city, learning the ins and out and places of interest.

2. Dad’s has had that minivan for about 14 years now. I guess it is a special part of his life. Lots of memories can be recalled. All the vacation trips taken, school events attended, open houses dived in upon. It even suffered through two divorces. I have basically grown up in that van. Now I am twenty-two and it stills feels like yesterday that my grandparents bought a flashy new ride for the family as a housewarming gift.

3. Sky was a girl that caught my eye way back in eleventh grade. It was more of an unrequited love and then my heart was dreadfully broken when I found out she had someone else, even though she egged me on for about a week. So foolish I was as a teenager. But the curiosity of things could not be suppressed. I finally realize my mistakes now and will never be led into those kind of traps again.